Sweet 60

Hitting the Sweet 60 feels a bit surreal, maybe because it seems like yesterday that I celebrated my Sweet 16. The time in my life when boys and friends ruled. School was tolerated, although I wasn’t one of those kids that hated it. Home life was fine—my parents supported me in activities, and gave me a long leash, California style. I no longer looked awkward. I stood poised on the cusp of greatness, with a good head on my shoulders, despite a touch of recklessness. A pretty great time in my life from many respects.
 
I couldn’t wait to be older, out on my own, ruler of my own roost. I remember being antsy for it, in that way the young don’t value their youth, always wanting something more, bigger, adult.
 
Some of the years between then and now are a blur, especially during the throes of motherhood, working full time, and trying to remember I had a dream in there to become an author and figuring out how to get there.
 
I’m on the flipside of the formative parenting years. My oldest is 40 and my youngest 27. My husband of over 30 years and I are happily living in the woods with a sweet, sensitive dog and a whole lotta love (yep, that’s a Led Zeppelin reference). 

And if you had asked me at 16 what 60 would be like, I would have said, OLD, so freaking old. And it is so not that. (Take heart, young folks.)
 
Taking stock of what matters, here are 16 things I’ve learned from my hindsight-so-far view.
 

1. No matter how bone-tired, downtrodden, and overwhelmed you are, make time for your significant other. They should not be last on your list. They should be helping fill your tank, and you theirs. I regret not doing better at this during my most stressful years.
2. The good news is nothing is personal. We just think it is, constantly, without any proof. This is because we’re a little broken and brainwashed and jump to conclusions.
3. The bad news is nothing is personal. We’ve allowed ourselves to become socially distanced while being under the impression we’re being social. Get personal with people…true human connection is the antidote for a lot of ails (including depression, isolation, and loneliness).
4. You are your best health advocate. Don’t rely only on doctors to help you solve your physical and mental health riddles. Drugs as therapy should be highly questioned. We have a lot of medicated people walking around…and that is not necessarily solving the root problem (guess what doctors prescribe). 
5. Use it before you lose it is a very real thing—and I’m talking mostly physically. No one tells you all the things you can, may, or will lose. But one by one, you’re going to experience it. 
6. Your dreams are worth fighting for. They’re easy to shelve dealing with life’s responsibilities and storms. But your dreams won’t happen without you 1) dreaming them and 2) fighting for them. They’re Stephen-King easy to bury before the miracle happens. 
7. Gratitude fixes a lot of perceived problems. And actual problems. 
8. Introspection is crucial. It allows you to take stock, refocus, and acknowledge areas you can improve. When you’re aware, you can take action and evolve, one of the most satisfying parts of living.
9. Just do the thing. Especially the hard things. Stop making excuses. We all have our own hurdles. Get to hurdling!
10. Our gut instincts are often spot on. Really listen to them.
11. Don’t wait. If you want to travel, plan the trip, and save. If you want to write a book, just start. If you want to play pickle ball, try it. Tomorrow is promised to no one, so get while the getting is good.
12. It’s not easy being a good parent. You won’t get it all right, but for the love of Pete, think it through, talk to your co-parent ahead of time about what you both want and agree on, understand the true value of discipline and what it means, and then really slay. You are creating the foundation for a human being that will be contributing (or not) to society for hopefully several years. This is a very big job with massive responsibility. Don’t wing all of it. 
13. The foundation for self-esteem is love and safety. If you can do only two things in a relationship with another, focus on these. Especially the relationship you have with yourself. I had a friend tell me recently, “I got you,” and the tears flowed. Because it’s rare for people to say this or mean it. It’s game changing.
14. Our frequency is the groove on which our life flows. You’re in charge of your frequency. If it’s jammed up with negative emotions or conclusions or skewed reality, right your ship. No one can make you feel anything; we respond as we do and can change it at any time. One of the fastest ways to change your frequency: listen to music.
15. Some of us will make our best friends in our younger years. It’s often hard to make those same kinds of deep friendships later, especially in today’s social climate. Nurture your friendships. They’re one of the best things on earth.
16. No one knows our reality and we don’t know theirs. Since perspective is what fuels a person’s reality (rather than, you know, actual reality), it’s a super muddled place where you live with your perceptions, narratives, traumas, and experiences. There is so much to be garnered from this understanding.